Self-Evaluation Part II: Conceited Boogaloo

Turned in my self-evaluation yesterday, and it turns out I wasn't too far off in my thinking. Always a good thing. It still is a tough thing to write and then hear your faults, even if it is well-intentioned. It is also hard to defend things without sounding too defensive.

I think my first ever evaluation scarred me. I was totally caught off guard, in large part because my manager didn't really have time to be managing me, and I had gotten thrown on his plate, so to speak, through a company restructuring that turned out really detrimental for me. I don't think I really talked to my boss much until the day of my evaluation, where I was told I was unmotivated and was showing signs of a bad attitude. Which were fair points, but, in fairness to me...when I started the office was about 10 people, and had blossomed to 25. I was still answering phones, managing the office (i.e. facilities work), doing all the support and some billable work, and after asking for help, was kind of ignored. So, of course I wouldn't be motivated. I saw no way out. Either way, a little hint when the problems started to arise would have been helpful. Needless to say, that was the straw that broke the proverbial camel's back, and I quit shortly after.

Since then, I always have a feeling of dread during review time, even though I have been fairly lucky to have good managerial relationships. The scars, going on 9 years now, are slow to heal, though!